I So Desperately Want to Help Others To Prevent Teenage Pregnancies.

   I wouldn't call myself a hypocrite because I want to help others prevent teenage pregnancies.
I love my daughter, and that's the one thing I want everyone to know. She means the world to me, and I do not regret a thing.
   It's just, everything that i've experienced these past 18 months (9 months being pregnant, and another 9 with jordynn :] ) well about 19 months, has made me open my eyes and grow up so much. Not everyone can do it. My life has changed in a million and plus ways. There are so many situations that I've gone through, and so many emotions I've wished that no one else would have to go through or feel. Being a teen parent is a struggle. My parents constantly lectured me about how hard it would be, but I had no idea. Being raised by teen parents, I guess when I got pregnant I figured if they can do it, so can I. Well, my parents are divorced. My dad is the manager at fast food place, no high school degree, and my mother is the manager at a pawn shop, with only a GED. My dad is one of the wisest men I know, and my mother is a wise woman, but it was hard for them once they had me. Their relationship suffered, because the stress of being parents, going to school, working, and getting by had on them. They were young. Growing up I remember being with my grandma a lot, because my parents worked, and I remember lots of fighting. I don't know. I mean one thing you've got to understand is I RESPECT MY PARENTS TO THE FULLEST. Yes, I do think things could have been better, but yes I KNOW they did their best.
  But right now, present time: I'm worried about college. Right now I'm settling for a community college for two years, and then transferring to a school close by home. I had to sacrifice going away. I'm worried about Eric and I's relationship, because we struggle very much at times. I'm worried about where I will be living in the next 2-5 years because as much as I appreciate the home my mother offers Jordynn and I, I don't want to live here forever. I'm worred most importantly about what affect everything will have on jordynn. Those four years that I'm going to be going to school, yea I'll be able to see Jordynn, but I won't get to be around her all the time, and I'm scared that I'll miss a lot. I'm gonna be working also, so it sucks.
   The way I wish it could have been:
Me: Ten  years older, a good and stable job, a healthy relationship and marriage, and a home of my own.
It would be so much easier. I just feel like the past is repeating itself, and I should learn from my past. I want to change it, improve it, and make it better.
   But as for now, I have a beautiful happy baby, she has everything she needs, she's perfect. Yes the road up ahead will be a little rough, but with determination, I know I can do anything I set my mind to. I do it because I have to. Mothers aren't allowed to show weakness. Yes I break down, but I get right back up. For Jordynn. I want so badly to give her more than what i had. I just want to put an end to this cycle.
   Teenage Pregnancy is not a cool trend.
It doesn't promise you that you and your boyfriend will be toghether forever. You can't put yourself first, not ever. I can't remember the last time I bought something for myself. lol
  
and if my parents ever get a hold of this by some chance, I love you guys so much, and this isn't meant to hurt you in any way. I hope yall will understand.