What do you do?

What do you do when you don't know what to do?
Sit there and watch everything fall apart, wait for it to get better, then watch it as it all comes tumbling down again?
Life is a beautiful mess, and I don't understand it. Things right now are so confusing. It feels as if I have no one to talk to.
I've drifted away from most of my friends, my relationships with almost everybody including Eric are a mess, I still haven't started community college, and I feel like a bum.
& Then there is Jordynn.
Jordynn.
Jordynn.
Jordynn.
Now that girl right there is something else.
Being a mother to her, and at such a young age is such a challenge, but at the same time it's a privillage.
It's a huge honer to be that baby girl's mother. The stuff she does. She has so much life in her. And yes i get frustrated sometimes, and yes i get stressed, but don't all mothers?
I know I'm rambling.
I'm sorry. I'm just writing everything as it comes, and I know none of this is organized.
I just hope she makes wiser choices when she's older.
I want so much better for her, and yes how cliche, that's what all parents say, but it's like you don't fully understand it until you're a parent yourself, and it's TRUE. I do want better for her. I don't want her to struggle like I have been, and will be doing.
I mean, don't get me wrong, my life is good, and could be a lot worse, but it's just not easy.
I guess nothing is ever easy though right?

I feel like I'm trying so hard to be better, so hard to make things work, and hold it all together. But I also feel like I'm doing everything wrong.
I just want Jordynn to be proud when she grows up. Proud that I'm her mom.